Unfortunately, in today’s society emotional ties, spiritual spouses, and office husbands are common failing among the body of Christ. In addition, these failings are ones that continue to destroy families and marriages. It is also something that is easy for anyone to fall into, unless they are vigilant. According to Bill Hamon, Christian International founder and author of Prophets, Pitfalls & Principles, “a ‘ministerial mate’ or ‘spiritual spouse’ [or office husband] is anyone a married minister (or any Christian person) allows to become a closer companion than his or her true spouse, especially when that person is of the opposite sex. . . . This kind of inappropriate closeness is dangerous because it usually leads to romance and finally sexual immorality” (29).
You may be single or married, but if you’ve ever shared your heart and talked at length with someone else’s spouse, and then felt that spark of excitement over common interests, then you were in danger of falling into the enemy’s trap and becoming emotionally tied to that person. Do not be misled; the enemy of our souls is out to kill our marriages, our children, and our ministries. He does not play favorites by only going after those in high-profile ministries, but he goes after every Christian.
Some ways to avoid this trap, according to Reeni Mederos, instructor of “The School of the Prophets” from The Warriors Cave, www.warriorscave.com is:
1. Your best friend should be your spouse.
2. Your best counsel should come from your spouse.
3. Any soul ties that exceed or are more influential than your spouse are trouble.
Shared mind + shared will or purpose + emotional tie = TROUBLE
4. The moment you feel a spark that is not brotherly- RUN from it as fast as you can!
5. Keep your priorities in order: God, Spouse, Family, and Ministry/Job
In addition, do not wait to address this kind of situation if you are struggling with it in your life. Get out of it. Change churches, change jobs, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your family. The longer you stay in the situation, the more likely you are to fall into adultery. Moreover, if you sense that your spouse is closer to someone else than you, then you need to confront him or her lovingly. And according to Bill Hamon, if your spouse responds correctly, and starts to adjust things and reconcile your relationship, then you have stopped the situation in time. However, if they respond with resentment and accusations, you may need to go to your minister and get them involved (30). Allowing your spouse’s relationship to develop further with someone other than yourself will just destroy your family. “Open rebuke is better than secret love” (Proverbs 27:5). But as in all things, go to God in prayer first and be led by the Holy Spirit. He will know the proper way to handle your individual situation.
Emotional Ties, Spiritual Spouses, & Office Husbands August 19, 2008
Divorce in the Church: A Crisis of Faith August 14, 2008
For an easy to read magazine article on the subject click on the link:
Excerpt:
“I opened another forwarded email from a friend, and to my horror it was news about one more pair of high profile ministers getting divorced! I ran to my phone and called the friend who had sent the email. ‘What happened?! When did this happen?’ I asked her as I was completely caught off guard and flustered at the same time. ‘I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. They can’t get a divorce. What about the thousands of people in their congregation, what about them? What about their kids?’ I asked. . . .”
